Friday, July 20, 2012

late night ramble.

i need to watch more films.
i need to experience more.
i need to have more conversations with different people.
i need to learn how to drive.
i need to not worry about being polite and likeable.

it feels like im loosing grip.
i had expected to have figure myself out by now.
but it's as if i reapplied the layers and walls between me and the rest of the world,
that it is hard to connect with others, and in turn hard to connect with myself.
there is just too little to share and compare and mirror-reflect.

in my own little world
my mind loops in strange little circles.


  1. Oh, how well I know this feeling.
    These thoughts often occurr when you spend a lot of time on your own. Because our mind wanders off and focuses on the things that we are not happy with instead of looking for what is actually going right. Halcyon Styn from Hugnation has been a big influence recently.
    There is no figuring out THE BIG YOU. There is just the moment. All there is, is RIGHT NOW.No past, no future, no other people, no musts and needs and have tos. You are already a part of this magical universe and even though I have never actually reached out and talked to you in person, I have seen your artwork around so so so many times. You are the favorite artist of many friends of mine and your wonderful vibe is out there big time.

    If you ever feel like wanting to travel more, well, come visit me in Vienna. You are invited any time. :)

    Everything is going perfect. Don´t believe everything that you think.

  2. I can drive.
    This summer I find myself talking to people who've been in my orbit for years (like distant satellites), but who, until this summer, I've never exchanged a word with.
    I'm very familiar with those little mental circles (my inner hamster-wheel).
    Despite all the new conversation, I feel very withdrawn.
    At 56, I thought I'd have my shit together. My standard joke is all I've really accomplished is my relationships with my issues have improved.
    My radar's practically useless- are people interested or just being polite?
    I'm convinced that a little neurosis is part-n-parcel of being artist.
    Looks like I might have to have a sit-down with my current neurosis, have a little coffee & a chat...then maybe get away from the effin' computer & do some actual work.
    Bottom line- you are far from being alone when it comes to feeling isolated/insulated (waiting for the sun to come out on my little planet- I need/want to swim, & I'm definitely a fair weather swimmer).

  3. Hi Audrey,

    People who like you, will.
    People who don't, will never understand.
    It's always better to show who you really are,
    So the people who like you in the end,
    like you, for you.

    I think you're pretty awesome.


  4. Audrey,

    Your poem are my thoughts exactly ...
    everything ... especially the driving =)(funny side not ... me still no drivey)
    Need a change of pace, place and conversation ...
    Come visit us in Boulder and we can go hunt for mountain lions and have some tasty Colorado beers hehe and if we drink enough we'll definitely have an interesting conversation =)
    Many Hugs for you!

  5. There's a place where you need to see the world to let it seep into your art. Sometimes the world is just down the street. Good luck with your journey. Your artistic soul is merely seeking.